Happy Birthday, Me.

It’s weird celebrating my birthday without you, Luke.

Another year older. Another big event passing by without you here beside me.

I can’t say I’m handling ANY of this gracefully.

I wish more than anything that you were here with me. You should be here with me.

You should be taking me out to dinner. You should be letting me pick the shitty movie that you would never choose.

You should be watching me open the presents you picked out and poorly wrapped. You should be laughing right now about how bad that wrap job is. I should be giggling and reassuring you that it’s always the thought that counts.

But….. I’m not doing any of that.

Instead, I’m watching a movie on the couch that we bought together. Without you.

Tonight, I had dinner with the couple who saw 90% of our shows. We were supposed to play at their wedding in June. We were SO excited to do that for them.

But….we didn’t. You aren’t here, Luke.

You died.

I’m still never going to be okay with that. I’m still never going to feel like that’s normal.

I miss you, baby.

I miss celebrating my birthday with you.