I don’t want to not talk about it.

Grief virgins are folks who have never gone through a serious loss. They are the epitome of well-intentioned and kind-hearted, but they all seem to assume one thing: “I’m sure she doesn’t want to talk about it.”

I’m here to tell you, from the perspective of someone whose loss is inexplicably painful, I want to talk about it. I need to talk about it.

The magnitude of my loss doesn’t negate how much I love Luke. That love isn’t, and never will be, past tense for me. I will always love and miss him, and I will always want to talk about him.

I want to tell you how incredible he was and how difficult it is for me to go through every second of every day knowing that he isn’t physically here with me anymore.

I want to tell you when things remind me of him or something he used to say. He loved to tell stories, and I want to keep his memory alive through those.

I want you to hug me and acknowledge the hurt that you can and should assume I am feeling and WILL feel for a long, long time. I want you to know that I appreciate when you do that, even if I don’t say anything back.

I want to celebrate his life in every way that I can. In doing this, I’m going to mention his name and his legacy a lot. I want you to embrace that with me.

I want to talk about Luke because he is still and will forever be present for me. The love we shared didn’t pass away with him. That is still very much alive, and it always will be.

No matter how much time goes by or how drastically my life changes, I will always want to talk about it. I am who I am today because I was loved by Luke, and because I lost Luke. This will never not be the case. This experience will shape my life in a way I certainly cannot predict, but my scars will forever remind me that everything I do from here on out will be because of and in honor of Luke.

I don’t know about you, but I really think that’s something worth talking about.

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1 thought on “I don’t want to not talk about it.

  1. Jennifer Tubb-Scott June 4, 2019 — 12:18 am

    Don’t ever stop talking about him.

    Liked by 1 person

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