I’ve passed the 4 month mark, and lately I have been hearing a lot of similar questions. Most of the time, it’s just because people still have no idea what to say to me. What I wish the most that people understood is that it’s okay not to know what to say! I’d much rather you just tell me that. Don’t worry, I never run out of things to say, so I’ll fill the silence and lead the conversation.
Many have asked if things have “gotten easier…”
No, it never gets easier. You just get used to the pain and loneliness.
“Have you been to a grief support group?”
Yes. I didn’t care for it. They couldn’t relate on my level.
“Do you see a counselor?”
Yes. I see a psychotherapist weekly for trauma and PTSD therapy.
“Have you tried any yoga or meditation?”
Yes. I meditate multiple times a week, and I have taken up Reiki as a form of grief support and balance (Google reiki if you don’t know what this is)
“Do you take any medication for anxiety/depression?”
Yes, I do.
“Have you seen a psychic medium?”
Yes. It was extremely healing.
“Have you thought about dating again?”
Yes, I’ve thought about it.
“Have you been keeping yourself busy and getting out?”
I keep very busy, but I value time alone to recharge. I go out with friends and family all the time.
“Does anything make you happy and take your mind off things?”
Many things make me happy. Missing Luke is never not on my mind, but I find ways to smile and laugh throughout my day. I feel life isn’t meant to be spent crying and moping all day and night. I am joyful a majority of the time.
“Do you still wear your wedding ring?”
Yes, but I choose to wear it on my right hand to avoid the pain of my clients and strangers asking about my dead husband. I also always wear Luke’s ring on my necklace.
“If I don’t know what to say to you, what should I do?”
Say that! It’s okay not to know what to say. You should tell me that, and we can laugh together about the awkwardness of it all. Then, we’ll move on and go only as philosophical as you’d like.
As a young widow, I get a lot of repeat questions and stares. I am bombarded by pity. It surrounds me. Most days, I feel like a walking Sarah McLaughlin ASPCA commercial. So, if you really want to impress me, don’t be everyone else. Be authentic, be genuine, but most of all, be you. Not who you think I want you to be.