It’s easy to forget what you have to be grateful for when grief takes over your world.
In fact, it’s not just easy to forget. It’s pretty damn impossible to remember.
Soon after Luke passed, I started a gratitude text chain with some amazing women, and it’s been profound to look back on some of the first things I was grateful for compared to now.
Those early weeks made me realize how grateful I was for the most simple, mundane things, “A stable job, deep breaths, a hot shower.”
Now, my gratitude texts look more like, “Self-care, not being afraid to be my best self regardless of immense grief, and an afternoon full of laughter.”
^ That’s transformation, folks. I know in my heart and soul that Luke would be so proud of me. I refuse to ever let him down, and the only way I could think of doing that would be giving up on myself and my own happiness.
When Luke proposed to me, he wrote me a letter the night before, and a couple months ago I reread it. There was one line that stood out to me more than anything else.
This line brought tears to my eyes that finally didn’t feel so heavy and sad. The line gave me hope, reassurance, and comfort.
I loved it so much that I blew it up on canvas in his exact handwriting (shoutout to the Etsy shop that does that).
This line reminds me EVERY day that I live for myself and for Luke, and it’s okay not to be sad all the damn time. It’s okay to laugh and smile and dance. It’s okay.
This line hangs above my bed in my new home. It wakes me up every morning, and kisses me goodnight. It looks me deep in my soul and helps me breathe fully and deeply. It gives me gratitude. Not just for the past, but also for the present, and especially for the future.
Thank you so much, my darling Luke. You have no idea how much this line means to your grieving sweetheart.
Or maybe you do, and maybe that’s why you helped me make this happen.
Either way, I am so grateful.