The answer will always be yes.

Exactly a year ago today I said “yes” to being Luke’s wife. He planned the perfect day for me, and it was everything and more I could’ve asked for. Loving him was and still is the easiest thing I’ve ever done.

Nobody could’ve warned me a year ago that next June 9th I would be mourning the loss of the man who just got down on one knee pledging his entire life to making me the happiest woman alive. Nobody.

Today, I wear this ring on my finger with the same pride that I did a year ago. I will always be proud to be his wife. I will always say yes to honoring my husband. Always.

There is a quiet strength and peace about today. Maybe Luke is instilling that in me, or maybe it’s out of my control. Either way, I’m saying yes to it.

Unfortunately, I also have to say yes to grief. The pain of grief is non-negotiable, and it’s forcedly present in every aspect of my life. The way I breathe, talk, eat, sleep, drink, and simply BE is now because of the heavy weight of grief that is crushing my interior.

The ability to turn off emotions doesn’t exist for me right now, even though I wish with everything in me that it did. So naturally, I feel them all. Especially today.

I can’t help but go back to that moment of Luke and I in the backyard…the one we spent countless nights in. The backyard was an oasis of sorts.

It’s where we grabbed the six-string and a bottle of wine and made beautiful music together. It’s where he took my hand and twirled me around the concrete while Eric Clapton serenaded how Wonderful Tonight really was. It’s where we planted vegetables and herbs that would turn into summer salads that Luke raved over. It’s where we sat around a crackling fire with friends and family, smiling and laughing with love in our hearts. It’s where we marveled at how incredible both our yard and our lives were becoming. It’s where, on June 9th, 2018, Luke got down on one knee under the soft glow of Edison lights and rose petals scattered below. It’s where we cried tears of joy at the beauty of the moment. It’s where I looked at him with pride and certainty in his watering, hazel eyes and said “yes.”

And I will always say yes, Luke. Then, now, and for eternity.